Life seems to be in a place of constant transition and change for me lately. I have been moving across the country, shifting and evolving in my relationships, reflecting on the stories I tell myself, and accepting the challenge to look closely at those little places in me (and my life) where energy is stagnant, toxic, or neglected. To be totally honest, life feels like a very messy rollercoaster. It is uncomfortable to recognize the tug I feel within pushing me to go back to old ways and habits, to get back into a comfortable space that is oh so familiar. It is terrifying to find myself in new and unknown spaces, where I don’t know what is coming next.
With all this stretching and changing, over the past few months I have felt like I SHOULD. I should be figuring life out faster, I should have my answers, I should find clarity, and I should have all the lessons beautifully wrapped up in a bow to present to the world. I have felt like I should write, but the energy that partners with sharing pieces of myself has needed to be preserved instead to support my healing. I have spent years of my life focused on bettering myself, expanding my awareness, developing my intuition, exploring my wellness, and constantly trying to level up as a human. I have learned so many valuable lessons, and yet it seems each new opportunity to grow feels more complicated than the last.
Lately, life has been throwing a few curveballs that are doing all of the above, while also rocking my foundation in new ways. I need to remember that I am still a human that is learning every day. I don’t have (or have to have!) every answer. It is okay to slow down. I can stop pressuring myself to have solutions before I explore every nook and cranny of a situation. I can stop worrying about what other people think. It is time to stop telling myself stories that are based in fear. I don’t need to obsess that I should be doing more. I am whole. I am okay right now in this chapter, and I will be okay moving forward in the next, and the ones following that. So much work is happening that is invisible. So much self-love and tenderness is required of me now.
My goal today is to live in the story I am in right in this moment. I don’t know each and every lesson that comes with each and every life challenge. I only know that today I am feeling this challenge and exploring this lesson. Today I am living in the story*, rather than trying to make sense of the process before going through it in full. I desperately want to be at the place where I look back on my current experiences with mountains of gained wisdom, smiling knowingly about how I had to burn down my old ways to benefit from all the good that would come from this. But I can’t. I can use the wisdom I have from previous chapters, but I must recognize that I am in a new chapter. These new plot twists will bring new knowledge and understanding of who I am and what I am here in this life to do. This story is asking to be lived.
I hope that if you find yourself in a chapter of plot twists, curveballs, and challenges, desperate to have the lessons beautifully wrapped in a bow to present to the world, you will remember that you are allowed to live in the story. In the story we can sparkle, too.
Let’s Sparkle Together.
*Idea inspired by reading Glennon Doyle’s Love Warrior